Oh the things you think about at the end of deployment...

We are getting ready to end month 10 and start month 11 of this deployment. Sounds exciting, huh? Technically we only have a few big things to count down to until Alex comes home... Like New Year, Alex's birthday, and Valentines' Day.

Don't get me wrong, I'm truly excited about that... But now I've started the scared the part. I'm beyond excited to be going back to Fort Drum and to start getting myself and Colin ready for Alex to come home, but I'm beginning to go through all of the 'what-ifs' in my head. This is when I wish that Alex were already home (or able to speak to me more) to make me calm down and remind me that thinking about all of the what-ifs gets you nowhere fast!

I am excited to clean. Imagine that, Erika excited to clean. Yep! And you haven't seen the wreck my house is right now... But I'm excited to put Colin in daycare for a few hours a week and get tons of things done that I normally wouldn't.

You see, I love to play with Colin when we're home. I love laying on the ground and playing with him and his toys until the two of us are exhausted! Honestly! Which then leads to many chores being neglected.

I am excited to make sure that all of Alex's clothes are out of storage and ready for him! Yes, I did box up some of his things while he was gone (it's not bad)! Lord knows he won't be wearing his jacket from Buckle while he's deployed to Afghanistan and I needed room in the coat closet, so I just put it in the laundry room for a year. :)

What I'm not looking forward to is the uneasy-ness of it all. I know Alex is hurting from this deployment. No one can say that their husband or wife comes home from their deployment with nothing burdening them. Alex has seen more this deployment and it has hurt him in so many different ways compared to when he was single and without a son of his own.

I'm not looking forward to the fact that I am going to have to have even more patience. (Yes I understand that having a child takes patience, but teaching a father how to care for his 15 month old son takes even more). Those who know me know that I don't have too much patience most of the time, unless I want. Which I want to, don't get me wrong. I'm just going to have to keep reminding myself that Alex hasn't been here for the past 12 months. He doesn't know that Colin can't stand in the bath or that we're starting potty training soon... He doesn't know that Colin can fall and bump his head and still be alright.

I am beyond excited to have Alex home again, I just need to take some time for myself before he comes home so that I can destress.

Holy cow! It's been a long time since I have last blogged. A friend told me today that she loved to hear what I had to say in my blog, so I guess I'll start back up again. If not for people to read, but just to simply journal. I feel I need this output more than ever.

Deployment is almost over. We're looking at an early spring arrival and I couldn't be more happy. However I can't help but be kinda upset at the same time. You see, my husband deployed on the TORCH flight. This means that the guys he left with and the guys from the advanced flight were there ONE MONTH before everyone else. But it just so happens that the guys from the Torch flight aren't getting to come home with the Advanced flight. And while I'm really happy that some of my closet friends get to see their husbands at the same time, I can't help but be a little bitter that right after my husband left, the guys that were still stateside got leave. And I'm not just talking about getting off from work early a few days, I'm talking about days off. Long weekends. I envied them and attempted to avoid them. I know, it's bitter... I feel shameful about it, but I know that if their husbands worked for hours upon hours with no days off (except for the "three day weekend" they were given the weekend they deployed... which didn't count because they deployed EARLY Sunday morning) they would feel the same way I feel. Of course I'm excited. I actually get to celebrate with so many more of my friends on the same night than I thought, and that makes me happy. (I hope no one gets mad at me about this)

The past month of two have been filled with many missions. Most lasting too long to count. We'll go weeks without hearing from Alex. Right now we're on day 3 (which isn't as long as it's been) without hearing from him. Alex finally got to see Colin on the webcam for the first time in MONTHS and I think he was about to cry.

You see, like I said before, Colin was 3 months old when Alex left. Alex came home for R&R in late August and Colin was 9 months. Now Colin is nearly 13 months old. Colin runs, laughs, tickles, talks, and eats like a big boy! Alex finally got to see all of that on the webcam the other day. Colin even called him Dada!! :)

Right now Colin and I are vacationing in Florida with my parents. We have already been here for 2 weeks and will be home for 2 more weeks before we head back. As soon as we get back we will start DEEP CLEANING the house!!! It won't be long before Alex and the guys are back and I'm beyond excited!!!

I know that this was random, but I enjoyed writing about this in the fragments that I have. I hope I remember to write tomorrow, and I hope i have something good and witty to say because today was NOT my day for that!

:)

Attached are some photos from our family shoot in August.