Don't get me wrong, I'm truly excited about that... But now I've started the scared the part. I'm beyond excited to be going back to Fort Drum and to start getting myself and Colin ready for Alex to come home, but I'm beginning to go through all of the 'what-ifs' in my head. This is when I wish that Alex were already home (or able to speak to me more) to make me calm down and remind me that thinking about all of the what-ifs gets you nowhere fast!
I am excited to clean. Imagine that, Erika excited to clean. Yep! And you haven't seen the wreck my house is right now... But I'm excited to put Colin in daycare for a few hours a week and get tons of things done that I normally wouldn't.
You see, I love to play with Colin when we're home. I love laying on the ground and playing with him and his toys until the two of us are exhausted! Honestly! Which then leads to many chores being neglected.
I am excited to make sure that all of Alex's clothes are out of storage and ready for him! Yes, I did box up some of his things while he was gone (it's not bad)! Lord knows he won't be wearing his jacket from Buckle while he's deployed to Afghanistan and I needed room in the coat closet, so I just put it in the laundry room for a year. :)
What I'm not looking forward to is the uneasy-ness of it all. I know Alex is hurting from this deployment. No one can say that their husband or wife comes home from their deployment with nothing burdening them. Alex has seen more this deployment and it has hurt him in so many different ways compared to when he was single and without a son of his own.
I'm not looking forward to the fact that I am going to have to have even more patience. (Yes I understand that having a child takes patience, but teaching a father how to care for his 15 month old son takes even more). Those who know me know that I don't have too much patience most of the time, unless I want. Which I want to, don't get me wrong. I'm just going to have to keep reminding myself that Alex hasn't been here for the past 12 months. He doesn't know that Colin can't stand in the bath or that we're starting potty training soon... He doesn't know that Colin can fall and bump his head and still be alright.
I am beyond excited to have Alex home again, I just need to take some time for myself before he comes home so that I can destress.
I definitely understand the part of having to show him how to take care of Colin. It was the same way when Thomas came back from deployment. It took a few weeks but we finally got it all figured out! It's definitely an adjustment and you WILL get through it :) Good luck and you know where to find me if you need to talk!
ReplyDelete