Another Allergic Reaction????

I'm beginning to think that I've been doing something wrong. Colin got another allergic reaction today. The only new food that I gave him was raisins... So I'm assuming that's what it was. I feel horrible. The one good thing is, there's no swelling like there was last night. I gave him his second bath of the day and put him to bed. I'm hoping that that helps with his reaction and such. But as of 11pm, no such luck... Despite the fact that I gave him a bath 2 hours earlier.

Blogging tomorrow about Memorial Day, BBQing, parades, and wonderful friends!!!

SKYPE is my new best friend!

Alex had made a promise yesterday that he was going to call today. At 12:45pm I was on the phone with the phone replacement people and had to take out my battery... So when 3pm came along, I thought for sure that I had missed that call once again. I had just laid Colin down for his nap when I went to lay down on the couch and put my feet up when I heard my Facebook chat go off. So I laid there for about 20 seconds before I decided that I should get up and see if it's Alex.

It was! We spent the next 10 minutes trying to get Facebook chat to work... Until I got the bright idea that Alex was probably on Yahoo! So I logged on and of course, he was on. I asked him if he wanted to see Colin. That's when he told me that he finally got a Skype account. We quickly added each other and started a video chat.

Alex got to see Colin do so many different things!! Colin was playing on the keyboard of my Mac, then Alex made Colin laugh and smile, then I put Colin in his exersaucer and Alex got to see him in there, and then I put Colin on the ground and that's when Colin got up on his hands and knees. I'm pretty sure Alex was amazed! I'm so happy that Alex got to see Colin do all these things, but most of all I'm happy that Colin got to see Alex.

At some point I started becoming afraid that Colin was going to think that Da-da is only a doll and pictures. Now that he actually saw that Da-da is a moving person, I think that will help a little more. Of course we have the video clips of Alex playing with Colin and of Alex reading, but Alex was actually playing with Colin! Ahhh!!!

But of course with seeing Alex on the webcam for the first time in almost 3 months... I got a little homesick. I was sitting in the middle of our living room and felt completely homesick! While talking to Alex on the webcam was amazing, it felt like he was here with us. Then he had to go and it was like he just disappeared. Of course I'm sure that I'll get used to it, but still. I took a nap and woke up feeling kinda bad.

God bless him. I'm pretty sure he was almost going to start crying half way through the conversation and a few times on top of that. He looks amazing, though!!

Oh The Things I Miss

I feel so selfish. I just want to hear his voice or feel his touch. Our bed is too big. The couch is too big. I miss just laying on the couch, watching movies on lazy Sundays. Making macaroni and cheese on cold days, and making sure to put out the hot sauce. Or having meals at our dining room table. I miss looking forward to him walking through the door each day; morning, noon, and night. I still can't put Colin to bed quite like he can. I miss his simplicity... Holding conversations with him while he sleeps. Fighting over whether we should have covers on at night or not... Or which way we should take our walk for the day. I miss walking with him... Not feeling rushed to talk before we have to hang up. I forget the way his jaw moves when he talks. The way he winks, just to let me know he loves me. I miss him waking up with Colin. The way he would calm me down in the second... Just one touch and my world would come back together. Downloading movies and talking about how lame they were. Loading the dishwasher, but not having to unload it.

I go outside to our backyard sometimes... I have no reason to, but it's what we used to do while he smoked. We'd just stand there and talked. Even when it was snowing and neither of us had coats on. We just talked. I hate that I have to rely on my teddy bear to keep me company at night, but I'm thankful that I have someone to miss. That's the reason why I feel so selfish. I am blessed to share so many memories with him. I am blessed that he is true. He is a perfect father, husband, and best friend.

May 6th

Oh so many things are happening!!

Today Colin's second bottom tooth started to come through! I can't wait for it to pop thru so that we stop having these random fits. Yes, I know it will only get worse... But it seems that right after he cuts a tooth he goes right back to being my sweet, calm little boy! So I'm hoping for the same when he finally cuts this tooth.

Colin also made friends with an old man in the middle of this second hand store we were at. The man was hobbling up the stairs so Ashley, Colin, and I stayed back to allow him enough room to make it up without rushing him. When he got up the stairs and went to pass Colin and I, Colin flashed him one of his heartbreaking smiles. The old man just bursted out talking to Colin. It was absolutely adorable! I love people that are open enough to talk to a baby. And he was a sweet man, too. So that helped a lot.

I took Colin outside this evening to see the little birds that came out to the bird feeder that we have in the back. There were all these birds just flying around us. Colin was absolutely obsessed with them! I couldn't believe how close they were coming to us, it's absolutely unreal!

So I went back to cleaning tonight. While I took a break in my bedroom, I picked up Colin and brought him in there with me. I laid him on his belly for tummy time while I watched a little bit of TV. After 5 minutes I grabbed a pillow that has a picture of him and Alex. I put the pillow in front of him to see if he would acknowledge it. Sure enough he did. He got really excited to see his daddy. He was laughing and screaming and kicking his legs. After I made the pillow 'dance' Colin managed to get one leg underneath him at a time and managed to scoot towards the pillow! 1. I think he knows a little bit of who his dad is. 2. He's starting to CRAWL!

Then after talking to my mom and Gary about all of this, I decided to put Colin into his bed at exactly 9pm. I normally wait until he falls asleep on his own, but wanted to try this out. He was asleep by 9:15pm. It is now 10:44pm and I am going to brush my teeth and go crawl into bed... Maybe write a letter to Alex. :D I'm so happy!!

The dreaded conversation

That's right, we talked about reenlistment. It's really the last thing either of us really want to do, but it's ultimately what we need to do for our family. We need to get rid of our debt before we get out and build our credit.

While our conversation wasn't pleasant, I needed to talk about it. I needed to get it all off of my chest. While I talk about it every once in a while, I have never gone in such depth about my feeling about it.

I think being so far away from each other and talking about it really helped. It forced us to talk out every issue about reenlistment. But of course with how long our conversation lasted, we didn't get into details... He said that he was going to look into everything before he goes into work today.

I hate that I had to say it, but it's part of the reason why I don't go to sleep at night. I'm worried about what we're going to do when he does get out, the amount of debt we'll have, we won't be able to have another kid for 6 or 7 years, we will only have one car... yada yada yada.

Unfortunately, I know that this is not what Alex had in mind. He did know that I've been stressing out about it. I told him to think about it, but he said that there's not much to think about. So then I asked him to think about what's best for our family. I believe that he did agree that it would be better for our family. I just hope this doesn't come to bite us in the butt. Either way we could get bit in the butt.