Oh The Things I Miss

I feel so selfish. I just want to hear his voice or feel his touch. Our bed is too big. The couch is too big. I miss just laying on the couch, watching movies on lazy Sundays. Making macaroni and cheese on cold days, and making sure to put out the hot sauce. Or having meals at our dining room table. I miss looking forward to him walking through the door each day; morning, noon, and night. I still can't put Colin to bed quite like he can. I miss his simplicity... Holding conversations with him while he sleeps. Fighting over whether we should have covers on at night or not... Or which way we should take our walk for the day. I miss walking with him... Not feeling rushed to talk before we have to hang up. I forget the way his jaw moves when he talks. The way he winks, just to let me know he loves me. I miss him waking up with Colin. The way he would calm me down in the second... Just one touch and my world would come back together. Downloading movies and talking about how lame they were. Loading the dishwasher, but not having to unload it.

I go outside to our backyard sometimes... I have no reason to, but it's what we used to do while he smoked. We'd just stand there and talked. Even when it was snowing and neither of us had coats on. We just talked. I hate that I have to rely on my teddy bear to keep me company at night, but I'm thankful that I have someone to miss. That's the reason why I feel so selfish. I am blessed to share so many memories with him. I am blessed that he is true. He is a perfect father, husband, and best friend.